he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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