is your mom at the bar?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
