I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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