The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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