She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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