She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
