I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
