You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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