What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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