I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
