the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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