We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
is that a dick in a sweater?
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