brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You work out of a Hotel?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
