i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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