New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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