i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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