Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
