go do what you do best...puke behind churches
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
