I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
