i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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