Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
handjob tips. give me some.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize