Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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