YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
