So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
