can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
