seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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