I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
