I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
