Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize