He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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