i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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