This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
