Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
