mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
