This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
