omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
