I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
