that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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