so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
