I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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