I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
