hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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