My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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