I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hippo gnu deer
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
