My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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