I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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