Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
