woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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