If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
