I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
