I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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