can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize