The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
