yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
