I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
