i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
