My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
