positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
