If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
