My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
