You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
