I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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