the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize