Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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