dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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