I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
