I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Boobs are out for the taking
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
