I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
