guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
