i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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