sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
