Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
