i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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