i need an iv and a liver transplant
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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