Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
