And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
