I got chris browned last night
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
