She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
