I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
