Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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