What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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