I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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