There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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