Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
