love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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