Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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