I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
