Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
