i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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