were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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