I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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