omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
