I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
