Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
