You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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