maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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