i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
