im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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