No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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