why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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