And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
