He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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