Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Randomize
