and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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